Do they make you feel worth more or worth less?
That’s it. Simple. Answer it.
Beautiful / Invincible = Worth more.
Insecure / Judged = Worth less.
Round it off. Which one dominates?
There’s your answer.
What you’re going to do about it is an entirely different story, based on where you’re at in your journey and your tools.
After years of testing these words are proven to persuade people to pick Brand A or Brand B.After years of testing these words are proven to persuade people to pick Brand A or Brand B.
These next few words also work at triggering people’s emotions.
- Sex: “The secret to better and more frequent sex”
- Greed: “How to make millions on the internet and retire wealthy”
- Flattery: “Why people with blue eyes attract more attention from the opposite sex”
- Fear: “1 out of 4 homes will be the victim of a burglary this year”
- Self-improvement: “How you can get twice as much reading done in half as much time”
- Love: “What the Eskimos know about love that you should know, too”
- Better health: “How 3 simple ingredients in your home can help strengthen your heart”
- Weight loss: “The secret to weight loss may be staring you right in the face”
- Longevity: “7 secrets the French know that can help you live 20 years longer”
- Exclusivity: “The fine wine for people who don’t have to ask ‘how much?’”
- Fame: “How Julia Roberts got famous. And how you can get famous, too”
- Uncertainty: “Why risk Lasik surgery on someone who is offering cut-rate prices?”
- Doubt: “Would you want your children to drive in a car with unsafe brakes?”
Why have you been so successful in reaching some of your goals, but not others?
If you aren’t sure, you are far from alone in your confusion. It turns out that even brilliant, highly accomplished people are pretty lousy when it comes to understanding why they succeed or fail. The intuitive answer — that you are born predisposed to certain talents and lacking in others — is really just one small piece of the puzzle. In fact, decades of research on achievement suggests that successful people reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.
1. Get specific. When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. “Lose 5 pounds” is a better goal than “lose some weight,” because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you’ll “eat less” or “sleep more” is too vague — be clear and precise. “I’ll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights” leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you’ve actually done it.
2. Seize the moment to act on your goals. Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it’s not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Did you really have no time to work out today? No chance at any point to return that phone call? Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers.
To seize the moment, decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., “If it’s Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I’ll work out for 30 minutes before work.”) Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.
3. Know exactly how far you have left to go. Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don’t know how well you are doing, you can’t adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal.
4. Be a realistic optimist. When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation. But whatever you do, don’t underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal. Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.
5. Focus on getting better, rather than being good. Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won’t improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.
Fortunately, decades of research suggest that the belief in fixed ability is completely wrong — abilities of all kinds are profoundly malleable. Embracing the fact that you can change will allow you to make better choices, and reach your fullest potential. People whose goals are about getting better, rather than being good, take difficulty in stride, and appreciate the journey as much as the destination.
6. Have grit. Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher college GPAs. Grit predicts which cadets will stick out their first grueling year at West Point. In fact, grit even predicts which round contestants will make it to at the Scripps National Spelling Bee.
The good news is, if you aren’t particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack grit more often than not believe that they just don’t have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking …. well, there’s no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good strategies are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.
7. Build your willpower muscle. Your self-control “muscle” is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn’t get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.
To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you’d honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don’t. Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they occur (“If I have a craving for a snack, I will eat one piece of fresh or three pieces of dried fruit.”) It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that’s the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.
8. Don’t tempt fate. No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it’s important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don’t try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don’t put yourself in harm’s way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.
9. Focus on what you will do, not what you won’t do. Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., “Don’t think about white bears!”) has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.
If you want to change your ways, ask yourself, What will I do instead? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like “If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down.” By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely.
It is my hope that, after reading about the nine things successful people do differently, you have gained some insight into all the things you have been doing right all along. Even more important, I hope are able to identify the mistakes that have derailed you, and use that knowledge to your advantage from now on. Remember, you don’t need to become a different person to become a more successful one. It’s never what you are, but what you do.
|—||Richard O’Connor, Undoing Depression (via psychotherapy)|
Don’t worry about where or who you’re going to be in five years. Like high school, you’re going to look back and wish you had done so many things differently. Know that and do them differently now. Focus on what’s in front on you. Work on the relationship you have with yourself first. Slow down. Enjoy today. It’s okay to not know. Eat alone in restaurants. Stop trying to prove something. Seek growth instead of validation. Shatter your veneer. Be heard. Draw boundaries. Pull from your Solid Self as much as you can. Sweat. Process (get therapy). Travel. Don’t compartmentalize people. Love fearlessly, even though you’ve been crushed before. Practice gratitude. Eat clean. Toss your scale. Pull yourself out of the victim position. Exercise your forgiveness muscle (you will need this). Don’t be concerned with what others think of you. Step out of line and jump into life, yours. Accept your story. Don’t chase paper. Seek truth. Be patient.
When making decisions, ask yourself if you are running away from self (your truth) or running toward. Look back at your life. Most likely, you have been running away for most of it. Avoiding, hiding, desperately trying to fit in. Dating people you know is not good for you or because you don’t want to be alone. Majoring in something because your parents thought it was the best for you. Marrying someone because it made sense. Or maybe it’s not that big. Maybe your running comes in the form of sprints instead of marathons. Holding on to lopsided friendships. Forcing yourself to do something or act a certain way for praise or a raise.
Until one day, you wake up and realize you’re not happy. And you don’t know why. You can’t put your finger on it. Because on paper your life may look great. Your friends tell you how lucky you are all the time. You feel guilty and place more shoulds on yourself and wonder what’s wrong with you. I’ll tell you what’s wrong with you. You’ve been running away from yourself. You don’t know who you are anymore. What you want, what you need, or what you deserve.
You want change?
Start running toward yourself.
By that cringed face you just made, you don’t know what that looks like. But you do. It’s a feeling, a voice, a soft whisper. If you are honest with yourself, you will know when you are running away. Let’s be completely honest. Most people know when they are running away from themselves. They just don’t know how to turn the other way.
Well, it starts with a choice.
And a shot of courage.
You say you don’t have the courage?
You’re running again.
We’re all running.
What matters is in what direction.
|—||Alan Watts (via theangrytherapist)|